Dear Bettye: I have been dating a man for several months and while he is great fun I do not want to marry him. He has asked me to take all the time I needed to make a decision.  Should I tell him I don’t want to marry him and not see him again?

There are many people who are fun to be with that one would not want to marry. You should tell him so he can decide if he wants to find someone to marry or continue having great fun.

Dear Bettye: At a dinner recently I was talking while holding a cup of coffee and did not realize the cup had tipped and dripped coffee into the saucer. I drained the saucer into the cup and was surprised to see  the hostess reach for the cup and saucer. Wasn’t she rude to do that?

No.  I imagine she was afraid you would either spill the hot coffee on yourself or the person seated next to you. Why on earth did you pour the coffee back in the cup? If you spilled anything on the tablecloth you should offer to have it cleaned.

Dear Bettye: The political season is heating up and people are sharply divided on how they will vote.  I hear all kinds of things being said about my candidate, but when I try to correct people they get furious.  What is the best way to handle that?

The best and only way to handle someone who becomes irate over politics and politicians is to never, ever discuss anything remotely political with him. It is a proven truth that there are no winners in a political argument.

Dear Bettye: What do I say to someone who demands to know who I am voting for?

Nothing.

Dear Bettye: My friend is getting married again.  But the man must get a divorce first.  Can I give her an engagement party not knowing the date of the marriage?

Civilized people recognize that a married person cannot also be engaged to someone else.  An engagement party is given during the engagement period. That is the time between the divorce and the wedding.

Dear Bettye: I wrote a book that was published recently and was celebrating at a lunch with friends.  A woman I don’t know walked up and said, “I liked your book.  Who wrote it for you?” We were all stunned and I just looked at her.  She finally walked away.  What should I have said?

I would have said.  “Thank you. Who read it to you?” It is sad that in today’s society everyone must be ready to respond to such mean-spirited people. You can take solace in the knowledge that she must be extremely jealous of you or she would never have said such a disgraceful thing.  

Dear Bettye: We are having an argument over this.  Should the man be the first to say he is in love?

Of course.  Call me old-fashioned, but it is the man’s option to state his intentions.  I have heard from several women who have been the first to declare their love and it scared the man to death.

Dear Bettye: Why do people tell you they are going to tell you something for your own good and then tell you something unpleasant?

Because they want you to know the unpleasant thing and relish the knowledge that you are hurt by it. Next time, tell her you don’t care to hear anything that is good for you. Such people are to be avoided like the plague.

Dear Bettye: I don’t know how it happens, but when my neighbor talks on her cordless telephone the conversation is broadcast through the amplifiers on my electronic piano. Should I tell her?

You should have told her immediately.

Dear Bettye:  I am attracted to an older man who works at a large office where I am the manager. He is very attentive to me, but because I am his supervisor he is reluctant to ask me out. Can I ask him if he would like to meet me after work for dinner?

I can’t think of a worse idea.  Your company probably has a policy against employees dating their supervisor and if they don’t they should.  What if he says no? What if he says yes? And then what happens when others in the office find out you are dating him? There are too many problems in such a relationship. I know it’s hard to meet eligible men, but back away from this one.

Dear Bettye: My mother celebrated her 70th birthday recently and she is continuing to work.  I think she should retire and enjoy her life.  Am I wrong?

Yes. Your mother can judge better than anyone else when it is time to retire.  She is very wise to remain active – mentally as well as physically.  There are more people working in their 70s than ever before.  New research says 50 is the new 30, 60 is the new 40, 70 is the new 50 and 80 is the new 60.  I salute and congratulate your mother – and so should you.

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