Dear Bettye: I know the person who is involved with her brother-in-law that you wrote about in your column last month. They think no one realizes what is going on but it won’t be long before his wife knows, too.
You are mistaken about the identity of the widow who is involved with her brother-in-law and so are the 14 other people who sent emails saying they knew exactly who it was.
Dear Bettye: I spend hours going over and over things I could have said or handled better. How can I put things behind me?
Simply realize everyone has something they wish they hadn’t said or would like to do over. Never look back – it’s a dreadful waste of time,
Dear Bettye: I intended to send an email critical of a friend’s clothes to my sister, but I hit a wrong button and it also went to the friend I was talking about. What can I say to apologize?
Send another email to both your sister and the friend and say you meant to say her clothes were striking not shocking and that just everyone wants to know where she buys them. Well, it’s true, isn’t it?
Dear Bettye: We are having several couples over to watch political debates and considering serving dinner on TV trays in the den. Wouldn’t it be easier?
It could be easier, but considering how volatile people get when it comes to political matters, I think it would be safer to have dinner before the debates start.
Dear Bettye: A former friend moved to Texas years ago and always wants to visit me for Mardi Gras. She stays a week and many times has brought one of her friends with her. I no longer have the energy to entertain her – nor the money to spend on an unwelcome guest. What can I say?
Simply call her now before she says she will be with you for Mardi Gras and say visits are no longer possible. She will find someone else to visit.
Dear Bettye: We are having a lot of work done in the house and I feel strange preparing lunch and sitting down to eat in the kitchen with carpenters and electricians working all around me and not ask them to join me. It seems snobby not to ask them.
You are entirely mistaken. You have a contractual relationship with the professional tradesmen who are working in your house. They are not guests. You are probably in the way eating in the kitchen - have lunch in a room not under construction.
Dear Bettye: If you had to give a single piece of advice to someone who wants to break into so-called society – what would you say?
If you have to break in – forget it. One must be invited.
Dear Bettye: Who decided there is a right way to do things and the wrong way?
Civilized people for several thousand years have established the accepted way to act, talk, eat and dress. You may think etiquette is not relevant, but one day you will be embarrassed because you do not know the correct thing to do or say.
Dear Bettye: I have a friend who is educated, polite and dresses well. I am beginning to avoid accepting her invitations because she makes me uncomfortable.
I urge you to continue the friendship. You are probably the only friend she has because she is resented for having social presence – in a world where most people just take up space.
Dear Bettye: About how many people ask you for advice a month? How did you begin the column?
The Council receives hundreds of telephone calls every day from people who have problems. Since I became director of the Council 30 years ago most of those calls are to me. People either did not know what to do, how to get help or just wanted someone to listen. I decided to write a column to answer emails, telephone calls and letters. I never reveal who the questions are from, all emails are deleted, letters are destroyed, and I have a private telephone line. Over a holiday weekend I usually get over 100 emails, about 500 emails a month on average, eight letters and 30 telephone calls. I answer all questions directly, but only about 25% are suitable for publication. The other 75% I refer to physicians, pastors and God.
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