Dear Bettye: I am a senior citizen and everyone keeps saying these are the golden years.  I don’t see anything golden about them.  How did this ridiculous saying begin anyway?

I researched the term “golden years” and it isn’t even acknowledged by Webster as a word worthy of being included.  There is a word “goldenager” defined as an elderly and often retired person usually engaged in club activities. Personally, I think the phrase was coined by an misguided idiot who thought that since gold is the symbolic icon for anything having lasted 50 years then all the years after 50 just have to be golden.  I know many people who are still seeking those golden years.  If they find them I hope they will let the rest of us know.

Dear Bettye: I read in your column about the woman who had a friend that called all the time to talk to her husband and her husband wouldn’t talk.  You advised her to say he wasn’t available.  I had a friend like that and when I say he isn’t available she calls him at work.  He has left word with the receptionist to never put her call through, but she keeps on calling. Everyone at the office is talking about it.  What can we do?

That person is disturbed and must be notified in writing – certified mail - that she is never to call you or your husband at any time or you will turn the matter over to your lawyer.   If she doesn’t end those calls immediately, you must talk to your lawyer. Her actions border on something dangerous.

Dear Bettye:  I am retired and only drive to church, the bank and the grocery store. Why should I have to pay for insurance when I only drive a few miles now and then?

Mainly because it is against the law not to have insurance on your vehicle.  If you don’t have it you can get into serious trouble.  Is this a trick question?

Dear Bettye: My husband and I took a test in a magazine that asked what five things you would want if you were stranded alone on a desert island. He said golf clubs, clothes, shoes, food and writing materials.  He didn’t mention me and I am hurt.  Am I wrong?

I think you should not be hurt because your husband answered logically. Can’t you see the question was about being “stranded alone” and asked for “things” not people? I also think tests in magazines are silly and prove nothing.

Dear Bettye: I home school my children and people ask me to do things implying that since I’m home all the time I’m free to run errands and babysit.  How can I get out of all these chores?

It seems so simple to me.  All you have to say in you are on a tight schedule with a  certain number of hours that must be set aside for school with only short breaks during the day and you are unable to either watch other children or run errands. 

Dear Bettye: My friend and I have had an argument over confidentiality. She says she never keeps a secret from her husband and I say something told in confidence should never be repeated to anyone. Who is right and who is wrong? We will take your advice on this or never speak to each other again.

What a great responsibility you have passed on to me! You both are right and wrong.  You are wrong to assume she had the same concept of secret-keeping as you do.  You were right to expect her to keep your secret to herself.  She was right to share your secret with her husband if they have agreed that’s what they will do, but wrong not to tell you. My rule about secrets is this: Never reveal anything to anyone you don’t want told.

Dear Bettye: My widowed friend constantly talks about all the other men I have dated when she is around the new man I am dating now.  Why does she do this?  I have asked her not to.

There are three possible reasons: 1. She’s jealous of you.  2.  She’s jealous of him.  3.  She is monumentally tactless and rude.  Do not spend any more time with the widow.  Notice I did not call her a friend.

 Dear Bettye: So many men don’t wear a wedding ring these days, it’s hard to know whether to date them or not.  Is it O.K. to ask a man if he is married?

You can ask but there is no guarantee he will be honest about it. If he is honorable, he’ll say yes.  If he isn’t, he won’t. Either way his answer is unimportant if you are just making conversation.  I would think you would want to know quite a lot more than his marital status before you date him. You can always get excellent background checks from his friends.

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