Dear Bettye: A member of a club I belong to always tells people they look tired or asks if they have been sick.  I am tired of her comments.  What can I say to her?

Say, “No, I feel great, but you look ghastly.  Are you ill?”

Dear Bettye:  My husband left me after 35 years of marriage last year and I am about to go on my first date after the divorce.  What should I say to him about the divorce?

Nothing.  If you should become serious about each other, then tell him as much or as little as you want – and my advice is to tell him as little as possible.

Dear Bettye:  My first husband and I divorced because he did not want children. He told everyone he never wanted children.  I remarried and have a child, he married they are about to have a third child. I   would love to let him know that everyone is laughing at him. What do you think?

He knows.  You don’t need to say a thing.  However, you could offer him your child’s outgrown clothing.

Dear Bettye:  I received an invitation with “Dark business suit” in the lower right hand corner.  What did they think men would wear? A jogging suit?  I’ve never seen that on an invitation, have you?

No, I have never seen an invitation with that notation, but I think it was on the invitation so some men wouldn’t wear a jogging suit.  Unfortunately, I have seen that.

Dear Bettye: I am worried that I am going crazy.  My mother died a few months ago, and I still dial her old telephone number when I hear something I know she would like to hear.

You have lost something – your mother – but not your mind.  You have not fully accepted your mother’s death.

Dear Bette:  Is it wrong to keep seeing my ex-husband?

Not wrong, but not advisable. There had to be a reason for the divorce. My last word on this subject is: It is never smart to repeat a mistake. 

Dear Bettye:  I called my current boyfriend by my former boyfriend’s name.  He is furious and I feel like a fool.

Such a mistake is often made and impossible to explain.  That’s why wise women call all their boyfriends “darling”.

Dear Bettye: My brother brings his girl friend to family gatherings and most of us can’t stand her.  She says the board games we play are silly.  What can we do?

Not much – if she is your brother’s guest. However, her rudeness does not have to be tolerated.  The next time she makes that remark say, ”My friend (that’s me) says people incapable of playing games that require a high intellectual level often say the games are silly so they don’t have to expose their lack of knowledge.”

Dear Bettye: My friend says to tell people about a promotion, raise or other good luck is bragging.  Is it?

First you must understand that most people hate to hear about anyone’s good luck. You must present the good news with humility.  Say, “My new promotion was a lucky break for me.”  This lets people know you realize, as they do, you didn’t get the promotion based on your ability or experience but rather due to the fact that the stars were in the right place in your horoscope.

Dear Bettye: I hate to see people dip a chip in some dip, bite some of the chip off and then dip the same chip in the dip.  Can I do anything about it when it happens again?

As a guest you are not responsible for the bad manners of others, but I would pick up the bowl of dip and take it to the kitchen.  Tell the hostess why you did it.  She may wish to instruct the person about correct dipping. Or at least put out a new bowl of dip.

Dear Bettye: A friend said to repeat things about people is gossip. I said it is simply conversation.  What makes a comment gossip?

I prefer to think of it as sharing information as in a news bulletin.  After a great deal of research I have discovered that news (gossip) falls into four categories: Personal Gossip – Sometimes may be called a confidence.  Don’t tell it if you don’t want it told. First Class Gossip – This is quality gossip because it about people you know and has been told by a reliable source. Understand that asking those you tell not to tell it is futile. Don’t tell it if you don’t want to have to face retaliation. Second Class Gossip – Always about people you don’t know and don’t want to know.  This is the best kind of gossip because it can be passed along with the name of the person who told you so they can be blamed for the news bulletin in case it isn’t true.  Celebrity Gossip – Information about well-known people, usually shocking and therefore the most interesting.  It is likely everyone has heard all about it so you can’t possibly be called a gossip.

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