Dear Bettye: My friend is a widow and is looking for an agency where she can volunteer.  I volunteer at a soup kitchen and have suggested she join me but she has an excuse every time I mention it.  What can I say to get her to join me?

You are missing the point. While you like what you are doing, she does not.  Anyone interested in volunteering should call RSVP at 442-2405 and request information.  There are over 100 agencies that need volunteers.

 Dear Bettye: My aunt left me a modest inheritance and I think it is up to me to decide how I will use it.  My husband insists he should have a say in what I do.  Do you?

Certainly not.  I think you can discuss your plans with him, but the final discussion is yours.

Dear Bettye: I know many people go to voodoo people in New Orleans and even closer to home, but I don’t think you should have encouraged them by wanting to know the voodoo priestess’s name.

Are you at all familiar with humor?.

Dear Bettye: After 45 years of marriage I can’t stand my husband.  I don’t why but everything he says or does irritates me.  I don’t even speak to him except to say “yes” or “no”.  Should I talk to a marriage counselor?

You should talk with someone.  There is apparently a deep-rooted resentment against your husband.  A counselor can help you.  Good luckl!

Dear Bettye: My daughter has gone crazy.  She is serious about a man 12 years younger than she is.  He is a very nice respectable person, but I am complete embarrassed by the huge age difference.  She won’t listen to me, but she reads your column ad might listen to you.

I doubt it – why should she.  Would you be so upset if the man were 12 years older?  It has been my experience that when it comes to matters of the heart the best course of action is to state your opinion once and then forever after bite your tongue.

Dear Bettye:  My husband who is 60 has suddenly started paying attention to this clothes, getting his teeth whitened and goes to a tanning salon.  He exercises without being nagged about it.  What’s going on?

Maybe nothing but if you place him under surveillance you’ll know for certain.  Start your investigation today.

Dear Bettye:  I belong to a club that is constantly in the middle of some kind of turmoil.  There are arguments and shouting. How can we return to the great club we once were?

Have you ever considered having a Sergeant At Arms?  One could restore order to your meetings if you give him the authority to escort unruly members out of the meeting.  Let me know when you have your next meeting.  It is always exciting to see Democracy in action.

Dear Bettye: My cousin ruined my life 25 years ago because she told a man I was interested in that I was in love with someone else.  The family wants to ask her to gatherings and I always say invite her if you want but I will not attend.  Am I wrong?

I am perhaps the wrong person to ask about grudges.  I remember something said to me I didn’t like in 1953.  I made her cry then and I haven’t spoken a word to her since. In your case, if you're married happily, look better than she does, and if she has told the man in question she lied all those years ago maybe you can relent. I always say if it’s family you must meet them socially even if you hate them. You can always bring up the matter again and again and voice your resentment. I don’t care how long ago it was, talk about it if you want to.  It will make you feel better.

Dear Bettye: What does it really mean when a man says he not ready for commitment?

If you are dating it means he will never marry you.  If you are married it means he doesn’t want to be.  If you have just met him – he isn’t worth your time.

Dear Bettye: I retired from my job over six months ago and the man who was hired in my place calls me constantly for help on how to do things he should know how to do.  He always says he never lets anyone know I am helping him.  Should I let the manager know he can’t do the job?

No. The next time he calls, tell him you will have to bill the company for your professional consulting time.  He won’t call again.

.Dear Bettye:  A coworker constantly pushes, nudges and elbows people as she talks.  One poor lady was nearly pushed out of her chair at a meeting.  We have told her not to do it and she persists. What can be done?

Tell her the next time she does any pushing, nudging or elbowing an harassment complaint will be filed with the proper authorities.  Such physical acts in the workplace constitute a violation of federal laws. 

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