Dear Bettye:  My niece is getting married in another state and I just can’t afford to go.  I will send a gift, but what can I say about not going?

You can say as little or as much as you wish in a letter to her or a telephone call. I think most people understand these days not everyone can afford to attend an out-of-state wedding.    

Dear Bettye:  Every family in our neighborhood for blocks has sent me graduation announcements.  Even people I don’t know.  Does this mean I am obligated to give all of them a gift?

If you do not know the person no acknowledgement is necessary.  If you know the person slightly a gift of $25 is nice.  The better you know the person the larger and nicer the cash gift should be.  
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Dear Bettye:  I can’t bring myself to give blood and everyone is nagging me about it because I have the highly desirable type O negative. I become faint at the sight of blood of any kind.  What can I say to them?

Tell them you have made your decision and you don’t want to hear any more about it from anyone.  After all, it’s your blood and you can do whatever you wish with it.
 
Dear Bettye: I was shopping with a friend in a very exclusive shop and saw a dress I liked but there were no price tags on anything.  I asked the salesgirl how much it was and it was far too expensive.  My friend told me later I should not have asked about the price.  What do you think?

 My mother, who was always right, said, “If you have to ask the price, you can’t afford it.”  However, in many exclusive shops the price tag is discretely pinned to an inside seam.

 Dear Bettye:  I enjoyed your column on dreams last month and I wonder what the dreams of a more intimate nature were and what they meant.

Those dreams do not meet my standards of what is acceptable for print.  Generally, that kind of dream has so many variables that only a mental health professional could explain them.

Dear Bettye: My father never tips at all when we go out together to have a family dinner.  I usually put $20 on the table for the waiter and my husband says I am encouraging my father to continue to be miserly.  What can I do?

Have you ever discussed this problem with your other family members?  Perhaps you could let him know in advance that family members will all contribute to the tip since he is paying for the dinner.   

Dear Bettye:  I am registered at several stores that gave me printed cards that I want to include in the wedding invitations, but my grandmother said it was not appropriate.  Who is right?

Granny.

 Dear Bettye:  I married a widower three years ago and he told me recently that he wants to be buried by his first wife and that I can choose another plot a few spaces away.  I don’t know what to think.

Neither do I.  Did you ask him why? Depending on his answer you will know what to do.
I certainly would.

Dear Bettye: Are coasters under glasses still used?  Or, like napkin rings, are they just another middle-class convention?

Since there are no class distinctions any more, people do whatever they like.  It is a sweet custom to use napkin rings and coasters are used to protect furniture. As far as I know class doesn’t even come into it. One can put glasses down on a plastic table as well as a piece of antique furniture if one doesn’t worry about possible damage.  How that fits into your idea of class I can’t say. If you and others regard coasters as passé then use paper cocktail napkins with all glasses.

Dear Bettye:  I know who the man was in your column some months ago who makes inappropriate, rude and insulting remarks to women.  I am glad someone asked you what to do about him. The manager did call him in but nothing else has happened and he continues to the same oaf as always.  What do we do now?

The manager handled the problem correctly.  He has been warned and a second complaint should result in his being terminated. Such remarks are a civil rights violation. However he is not the oaf who was referred to in my column nor the oaf who works at eight other businesses people emailed to say they also knew who he was.  From the responses to that column, all I can say is, there is more going on in offices than I ever would have believed.   

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