IIt appears to me there is a general widespread deficiency in commonsense and language skills.  Or, there is the remote possibility that I am merely out of step with the rest of the world.  But as a keenly interested observer of the human condition and other strange phenomenon, it seems a large number of people don’t understand when to and when not to take social idiomatic expressions literally.

I was asked recently, “Why did she ask me how I feel if she didn’t want to know what I’ve been through?”  She was outraged that her long and boring tirade against her former husband had been curtly cut off.  Saying, “How are you feeling?” doesn’t mean anyone really wants to know.  Just a short answer will suffice and it’s wise to skip all the gruesome details.

 Conversely, if someone really wants to know all about your problem, then they will say, “I really want to know what happened.” A word of caution here, many people only ask this question not because they care about you, but are greatly interested in the scandalous aspects of your problem in order to know all so they can tell all to all.

“I’ll tell the world right now I will never address a letter to him as dear or sign it  yours truly because he certainly is not dear to me and I’m not his truly or any other way!”  When a friend said that to me recently I could only stare at her and wonder if she had suddenly lost her mind.  I am fairly patient and somewhat tolerant, but I don’t understand how people can think dear and yours truly really mean that.  Has the world forgotten what is a conventional phrase is?

My mother, who was always right, was a walking encyclopedia of social idioms.  She had a phrase for every known circumstance or situation. I must have assimilated all that information from her by osmosis because even though I disagreed with her, I’ve never forgotten what to say when.  I was wrong as a young person to think that Mama was in some ways superficial.  I thought she was because she rarely meant what she said in social conversation.  Conversely, she always meant what she said in a literal sense.

Mama could say things to people that could cut to the quick – and with a smile.  So they were left with the feeling that either they had been complimented or decapitated.  It’s a terrible feeling not be sure.  And, Mama was a master at it.

“Only you would have the courage to wear that style of dress.” The inference was that either the dress was in poor taste or one was on the cutting edge of fashion. Since Mama always smiled, who knew?

Just as politeness is the oil that keeps the wheels of civilization moving smoothly, social idioms are what keep knock-down and drag-outs to a minimum.  It/s good to know at least what a few of them mean.

`”Call me.”  This has a variety of meanings.  One: I am too busy to talk about it now, but call me later when I have time to really listen.  It also means: This is the wrong time or place to talk about it.  Or,  three: I never want to hear another word from you.

“I’ll call you.”  Now this is an idiom filled with many meanings and most of them are opposite.  It can mean I want to talk more about this/know you better/or never want to talk to you and hope I never have to see you again in this life.  The only way to tell for certain which of these meaning is the true one is to look intently into the eyes of the person who says it.  If the eyes are shifty, then it means forget them.

“Let’s go to lunch.”  This can mean: When we are free someday let’s go somewhere to talk and have lunch.  It can also mean:  If I ever have nothing better to do I can always have lunch with you.  A serious intention to have lunch will include a definite time and place.

“Let’s have dinner.”   Dinner is entirely different from lunch. It could mean “Let’s see if our husbands like each other”  or “I can tell a lot more about you in a formal ambiance and then I can decide if I want to even have lunch with you.”

“Drop by sometime to visit.”   It means you are invited to visit but only if you call first – no exceptions.  Never, never just drop in on anyone – ever.  Especially me.

“When you are in town, drop by to see us.”  This means write us in advance at least two weeks before your trip so we can either invite you for dinner or say we won’t be at home for the next month.

“We really must get together more often.”  Meaning: The meeting was very enjoyable and I’d like to know you better. Or , How did I get stuck with this person but believe me I never will again.

“I only say things that are true and never say anything to hurt people.” This means I intend to say what I like and you won’t like, but I don’t care.

“I am telling you this for your own good.”  No, they are not.  They are trying to disguise something hurtful as loyalty and lack the moral courage to be honest about it.

  After a great deal of consideration, I have come to the conclusion that the best advice I can offer  is to limit your association to those who are polite and civil and avoid everyone else.. 

As dear Jane Austen said, “I prefer people to be agreeable, but if they are not it saves me the trouble of getting to know them.”